Double Amputee Arrested After “Thought Controlled” Rampage

Inappropriate thoughts led man to “uncontrollable” sexual assaults

DAYTON, TN - Jesse Sullivan has two prosthetic arms, but that hasn’t stopped him from taking part in his most loved activities. He can put a fresh coat of paint on his house using only his thoughts to control his new, much needed hardware. However, it seems his new arms have some un-wanted side effects. Sullivan was arrested yesterday for allegedly sexually assaulting over 25 woman in one day in what police are calling an “unfortunate, uncontrollable rampage”.

The motions of his new arms are controlled by his brain. If he can think it, his arms can do it. Electrical signals sent from his brain to his prosthetic arms cause his thoughts to take control of them.
Sullivan is the first amputee in the world with thought-controlled artificial arms. Researchers have hailed this new invention as a potentially life changing device. Well it has certainly changed one mans life, though not in the way researchers had anticipated.

Sullivan, who lost both his arms in an industrial accident, was told by his doctors to do everything he would normally do, including think.
“When I left, they told me to just act like I normally would and think like I would normally think,” the 59 year old Bionic Man said with sweat dripping from his “I Like Boobs” baseball cap. Sullivan followed his doctor’s advice and left the office full of hope.

Sullivan’s first stop was the local Home Depot where he looked around for a bit before trying out his arms for the first time. He saw a paint roller he really liked, and to his amazement he was able to pick it up two of them and move them up and down in a painting motion. “I was amazed,” said Sullivan, “They worked!”

As Sullivan waited in line to make his purchase, he noticed a beautiful woman standing in front of him. “It was instant,” said Sullivan. “I saw her great ass and my mind just grabbed it. I didn’t mean to, my mind just took over.” The fire department had to be called to the scene to remove his hand from it’s hold of the woman’s posterior. “I didn’t realize how strong this thing is” said Sullivan.

While Sullivan hoped that incident was a one time problem, this poor bionic man soon realized that his thoughts would create a day of unbelievable havoc and terror both for him, and over 25 woman.
After Sullivan was allowed to leave the Home Depot, he walked through downtown Dayton. “I guess there was some kind of cheerleader convention or something,” recalls Sullivan. “There were these young, beautiful woman all over the sidewalk and my mind just lost it”.

Sullivan can’t remember much of that day, but he does remember running across the street to get to the cheerleaders. He then recalls bra’s and panties “flying all over the place” as he apparently tore through over 25 cheerleader’s clothes and fondled them uncontrollably. “I even remember grabbing a guy’s testicle” said Sullivan, crying uncontrollably as tears fell on his “I’m here for the gang bang” T-Shirt.

A nearby off-duty Dayton police officer witnessed the cheerleader incident and subdued Sullivan, but not before Sullivan grabbed the officer’s buttocks. “As I went to place handcuffs on the suspect, he proceeded to reach around with a mechanical hand device and squeeze my right butt cheek with extreme pressure causing immense pain and un-wanted thoughts” the officer stated in the police report. 24 cheerleaders were treated at the scene for multiple cuts and bruises and then released. The off duty officer was transported to nearby University Hospital for “extreme shock trauma”.

Sullivan was released after posting a $400,000 bond and is awaiting a preliminary hearing for 26 counts of sexual assault and 1 count of sexual assault on an officer. If has been rumored that Sullivan used his $250,000 arms as collateral to help him make bail.

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