These are the words of my dog Uzzle, which I take credit for since I own him.
Look humans; you may think that you have it tough. Sure, you may have sent out hundreds of resumes and heard nothing back except from job scammers trying to waste your time, but my friends and I can’t even type a resume. Its only through professional dog whisperer Joannas McFarly that I am able to speak to you today. I have one simple message I want to get across, and I will try to be a quick as possible because this McFarly character misunderstands most of what I say.
Us helper dogs are facing the worst unemployment rate since the great doggie depression of the 90’s when helper dogs were cast aside for foreign workers and those cute little toy puppies that couldn’t bring you a drink and a snack if you duct taped it to their tiny heads. We have our own needs, a while our pay wasn’t great when we did have duties to perform, we have needs just like you humans.
We need love, and we need exercise. It’s not just about the dog biscuit paycheck, but about the bigger picture of finding that connection with the humans we help, and about giving us something to do so we don’t go crazy trying to catch our tails.
I have been out of work for about 6 months after the company I worked for, “Beer Dogs,” cut back its crew to just a few. I used to bring endless beer to my owner, who was far to lazy to get up himself. I can’t imagine what he is doing now without me. I have nightmares that he might have gotten a job and stopped drinking beer all together.
So, as a unemployed dog who really needs something to keep me busy, I beg our owners to make great change, to reform the system so that we can get back to doing what we do best.
Fetch!
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